Opening Farewell
by Lucy H
Summary: [Holby City] Some things never change for Diane. [unfinished]
1. Chapter 1

"Ric!" He stopped short as he heard Connie calling him.

"Connie? What's up?" he asked her, seeing the almost frantic expression on her face, and waiting for her to catch up with him.

"I've been running through half the hospital trying to find you!" she said, stopping as she reached him, and trying to catch her breath.

"What's the matter?" He was worried now, and it showed. "Is…?" He left his question unfinished, unable to voice any of the horrors that had occurred to him.

She bit her lip as she realised how much she'd scared him, and laughed. "Oh, it's not… no, don't worry. You just, you dropped your pager." She handed it over to him. "It beeped a few minutes ago… but I didn't look at it, don't worry. I respect your privacy and all that."

He nodded absent-mindedly, checking the pager to see who had paged him. "It was Zube, I'm wanted in theatre."

"I won't keep you then," Connie told him, smiling. "You're coming round tonight, aren't you?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," he replied, kissing her cheek lightly before walking off.

"For God's sake, Ric, you've been ages!" Zubin greeted him, as he arrived in theatre. "I was starting to think that you weren't coming!"

"I dropped my pager," was Ric's excuse, as he began to scrub up. "Connie apparently ran through 'half the hospital' trying to find me."

"Connie, huh?" Zubin asked, his tone laced with suspicion. "How are you and she getting on, anyway?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's purely platonic?" Ric demanded. Not for worlds would he have told Zubin that he had proposed to Connie – and how she had turned him down, in a manner that was heartbreakingly similar to how Diane had done exactly the same thing. _I don't think I could stand being your fifth wife, Ric… if you loved me, if I loved you, if we were more serious, if I thought we could make it work… I'm sorry… let's be friends, yeah? I don't want to lose you, I need you, you're my friend…_

"Ric, she met you, neither of you made any pains to hide the fact that you did it in her office, and then two weeks later she separates from her husband… I think it's okay to be suspicious!"

Ric strolled over to the operating table. "That was five years ago and it was nothing to do with me. Marriages break up for any number of reasons –"

"And you know all about that…" Zubin began, not able to resist the chance to make fun of Ric's traumatic love life.

"Shut it." Ric allowed himself a brief glare at Zubin before he looked down at the patient. "Fill me in, then."

"Five-year-old boy, brought in after an RTA, possible abdominal injuries…" Zubin trailed off. "Brian opened, and that's where we left it."

Ric nodded at Brian, the young registrar who had been at Holby as long as he had, but who still wasn't as familiar as Diane. He shook himself mentally. Diane wasn't his, and never could be. Not now, not now she had Owen, and she wasn't around any more.

"His name's Jack," Zubin told Ric. "That was all the ED could get off the mother, apparently she was almost hysterical."

She was still hysterical when, after handing over to Paul, Zubin left theatre about thirty minutes later. He found himself collared by a young woman in her mid-thirties, her hair coming undone and her expression frantic, who grabbed onto him as he passed. "Jack, Jack Lloyd, is he…?" She trailed off as she saw Zubin's face. "Zubin Khan."

Shocked that this woman could know his name, he glanced at her a second time. Suddenly it was as if the years had dropped away, and he was standing there talking to her five years ago; a young woman in scrubs, hair tied tightly back, that same anxious expression on her face… "Diane."


	2. Chapter 2

She barely let herself be distracted by the knowledge that this man had been one of her best friends. There was only one important person in the world now, and that was Jack. "Jack?" she repeated. "Is Jack alright?"

Zubin led her over to the row of chairs. "Come and sit down, Diane."

"Zubin, just tell me about Jack, give me a straight answer!" She was snapping and she knew it. She apologised mentally to Zubin. _I'm sorry, Zube. I'm sorry that I'm taking my stress about Jack out on you… I'm sorry for not calling for years… I'm sorry that I didn't reply to any of your letters…_

"Jack is… as well as can be expected." He glanced at her anxious face, and she looked away instantly, not wanting him to see the fear in her eyes. "Try not to worry, Diane, it isn't anything life threatening."

"I can't lose him," she whispered, making no sign that she had even heard Zubin.

"You're not going to lose him." Zubin knew that making guarantees on peoples' lives was never wise, but at that moment, it was the only thing he could do, the only way that he could reassure her. "He'll be fine, Diane. He'll be out of there in no time, it's nothing serious."

"Who's in there with him?" Diane demanded, suddenly. "Which consultant? It's not Richard Smedley, is it?"

"No, it is not." Zubin smiled slightly. "His consultant is a Mr Ric Griffin. I believe you used to hold him in quite high esteem," he added, teasingly, as she visibly relaxed.

"Oh, I did… I do, I mean." She sat back slightly, feeling more confident about her nephew.

Zubin looked at her curiously. "Jack's not your son, is he?"

"He's my nephew. Joanna's baby." She looked up at him. "Remember? You spent my entire first day back telling me to go home and look after him," she added, a smile edging the corners of her mouth.

He nodded, remembering. Remembering also how she had cried, how she had told him that she blamed herself for Joanna's death, and he had cried too; thinking about Mumtaz, about how he had lost her and felt that he could have saved her, but never had the chance. But that wasn't the issue here. "I'm sorry," he said, awkwardly. "I didn't mean to boss you…"

She shook her head. "No. No, it's quite alright. You were right, I should have gone home. You always did give good advice," she told him, her expression darkening as she looked down. "It's a pity I never took any of it."

The look on her face warned him not to ask any questions, so he let it be. Instead, he looked at his watch. "I should be in theatre in ten minutes… I think it's Jess' break soon though, if you want to go down to AAU."

She nodded. "Sure," she replied, standing up. "It was nice to see you again, Zube."

"And you. What are you doing back in Holby, by the way?" he queried. "We've not seen hide nor hair of you in five years and suddenly you turn up in the corridor? Why are you back here?"

"You can't just be pleased to see me?" she teased. As he continued to look at her, she relented. "Katie's in some… play, or dance, or something. I don't know. Anyway, Owen wanted to come and see it, and I was taking Jack to… well, to Jo's grave." She bit her lip, thinking of her sister, of her nephew, of the car that had lifted him up in the air and let him fall back to the ground… the crashing noise it had made, the expression of utter fear on his small face… the way he had screamed, and she had screamed, and it had been so loud that she thought the whole world was exploding in horror.

"It's okay," he told her, seeing the emotions flicker past her eyes, and seeing her grab onto the chair for support. "It's okay."

"It's not… Zubin, it was my fault. It was my idea to go, I wasn't holding his hand, I should've been taking better care of him…" She knew that she was rambling, but she desperately wanted Zubin to tell her that it wasn't her fault, she wanted someone to absolve her of blame.

"Diane, no one can watch a child all of the time… I know I wasn't there, I know I've not seen you for years, but no one who saw you with Jack as a baby could ever doubt that you are wonderful with him, and you would never neglect him." There was something in his tone that made her believe him, and she just nodded, having neither the energy nor the inclination to argue further. "Now go see Jess, have a good gossip, try not to worry, and I'll send Ric down to see you the moment he's done with Jack. Okay?"

She nodded numbly, before thinking of something else. "I should… I should call Owen," she said, quietly.

"Do you want me to do that?" Zubin asked her, sensing that she was on the verge of tears.

"No… no, he's my husband, I'll do it." She nodded, more to herself than anyone else. "I'll go and find Jess… it was great seeing you, Zube."

"It was great seeing you too, Diane. Try not to leave it four years next time, yeah?" he added, smiling.

She laughed slightly. "I'm sorry… I just, Jack takes up a lot of my time now… and Owen, and it's all I can do to keep up with tidying the house and stuff, I never was inclined that way… I just don't have time for calling people and…" She shook her head, unsure of how to excuse herself.

"You don't need any more excuses," he told her, laughing. "I've been married, I've had a child, I know that the first few years can be hectic."

"Hectic doesn't describe it." She laughed. "Can you keep me informed about Jack, please?"

"I will do. Now go!" He handed her bag to her, and smiled. "Jess'll be delighted to see you."

Diane nodded, and started to walk away, inwardly marvelling at how little Zubin had changed. And how amazing it was that he had simply accepted that she had been there. And how he had taken her mind off Jack. Jack… her little boy, she couldn't lose him. Oh, she couldn't lose him. If she lost him… And before she realised it, she was crying; her tears falling as she tried to catch her breath and calm down.

As she neared AAU, she felt someone touch her shoulder, and she turned around, trying to wipe all traces of tears away from her face. "Jess…"

"Diane!" Jess was obviously trying – but failing – to contain her shock and curiosity at her friend's sudden appearance, but all she said was, "Come here." She led Diane into an empty room and hugged her, letting her cry. When she had quietened down, Jess spoke again. "What's up? It's not Owen, is it?"

"No… it's Jack." Diane explained briefly what had happened, and Jess was struck with how much Diane had changed. She seemed worlds away from the woman who had once told her that she never thought that she could worry about a child.

She had barely finished explaining when the door opened, and Ric came in. He had known Diane was there; Zubin had told him, presumably believing that it was less risky to warn him beforehand about the presence of his former best friend and girlfriend. He just looked at Diane for a few moments, taking in every detail of her – how she had barely changed, how she looked the same as the woman he had loved ten years ago, the woman he had held in his arms when her sister died… the woman he had watched marry Owen.

It was unfortunate that at the moment she saw him, one hand flew to her mouth, trying to stop herself from bursting with emotion. The hand with her wedding ring on. "Ric…" she whispered, through her fingers.

And all he could see was her, in a white dress, marrying Owen… her, rejecting him, pulling away, turning him down, leaving him… and he could have cried. And he couldn't cry, not in front of Diane and Jess. So he spoke instead. And he knew the moment that the words had left his mouth, he knew that he was too harsh, that he sounded angry at her. But he couldn't help himself.

"Well, well. Mrs Davis."


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, well. Mrs Davis."

"Don't call me that," she told him, quietly. She allowed herself to glare at him for a few seconds, during which he firstly glared back, but then looked away, unable to meet her gaze, to see the expression in her eyes. Then she spoke. "Fine, if we're not on a first name basis. Mr Griffin. How's my… Jack, how is he?"

"Stable. Critical, but stable." He bit his lip after he had spoken, aware that he sounded too annoyed, aware that right now, his feelings – even her feelings – had no bearing on the situation. The important issue right now was Jack.

"Any other clichés you want to give me?" She looked annoyed as well now, standing up to face Ric as an equal, rather than just another distressed relative. Her stance gave off an aura of defiance; I was your equal once, she was telling him. Once, you thought of me as equal, you respected me enough to tell me the truth. What has changed? "Give it to me properly. How is Jack?"

As briefly as he could, he told her about the bruising Jack had suffered, the internal bleeding, and any other issues that he felt she could deal with. The fact that he had arrested twice in theatre wasn't mentioned. It may have been years since Ric had seen Diane last, but his protection of her was second nature, a habit he could never quite break.

She nodded, sinking down onto her seat again as he finished speaking, and allowing Jess to put one arm around her. She just sat where she was for a few moments, thinking; thoughts flitting around her brain like flies, unable to be swatted away. Jack… Jo… Joanna, her precious baby sister, the girl she had loved so much, but failed so many times. She had failed her when she had needed her the most, and now she was failing her son.

"You can see him if you want," Ric's quiet voice broke into her reverie. "He's in ITU."

ITU… the same ITU where Joanna had lain, hours before her death. The same ITU where Diane had promised to take care of her sister, to take care of her sister's child. Fate may be a joker, but its comedy is black. She merely nodded; numb to anything else that might be thrown at her. "I want to see him." She stood up slowly, feeling as though her legs would go from under her at any moment.

"Hey, steady," he warned her, noticing the dazed expression on her face.

She turned to glare at him. "I'm fine." I'm always fine, she added to herself. I'm fine when my friends die, I'm fine when my sister dies, I'm fine when I'm left alone with a newborn baby, I'm fine when my husband cheats on me… fine, fine, fine. Always fine.

"I didn't say you weren't." There was a look, just a moment, of understanding, of recognition, before it passed. She looked down and he looked down, and the floor got all the benefit of their respective glares.

Jess stood up. "I need to get back to work." She touched Diane's arm gently. "You take care, Diane. I'm always here if you need me, remember that."

Diane nodded, a faint smile edging her lips. "And the same goes for you." She looked up at Jess. "And I'm so happy for you and Lisa. She told me, and I'm so happy for you. I mean that."

"You and Lisa?" Ric's tone had changed dramatically, as he turned to stare at his daughter. "What's this? Lisa Fox?"

Jess' reassuring smile remained frozen in place as she backed towards the door. "Now is _not_ the time, Dad." She fumbled for the handle behind her, and managed to open the door, leaving the room hurriedly.

Diane just shook her head, unable to deal with the fact that she had just let out what had obviously been a secret. "Maybe Jess'd prefer it if you forgot that you ever heard that," she said, quietly.

"Maybe I'd prefer that too!" he shot back, sharper than he had intended. "My little girl…"

"She's twenty six." There was no emotion in her voice, it was just a statement. "I'm sorry I let that out, but could I see my nephew? Please? He means the world to me, and I want to know that he's alright… please, Ric." She knew that she was begging, but she knew that Ric, the Ric she knew, would never refuse her a thing.

He nodded, trying to focus on Diane. On Jack. Not Diane, Jack. He silently led her through to ITU, and watched the tense expression lift as she looked down at her unconscious nephew, her little boy. "Jack…" she murmured, touching his hand gently.

He leant against the wall, watching her. Wanting to be there if she needed to break down, but not having the right any more. He gave up the right to be there for her on the day that he told her to be with Owen. The day that Jack was born.

Diane tore her gaze away from Jack, the tiny, helpless, painful to watch figure in the bed, to look out of the window. She saw Connie, holding onto the hand of a little girl, sufficiently like her to see that the girl was Connie's daughter. She looked up at Ric. "Does Connie have a child?" she asked, idly.

Before he could answer, the door opened, and the little girl came running in. Seeing her more closely, Diane realised that she looked very familiar. Those eyes… the face… no, surely not?

"Daddy!" the girl squealed, running over to Ric.


	4. Chapter 4

There was a moment of silence, during which Ric tried his best to look anywhere but at Diane, who seemed to be staring straight at him, demanding answers. In actuality, she was staring unseeingly at Jack, wondering in shock how she could have missed out on such an important part of Ric's life. How could he not have told her that he had another child? How could she have drifted so far away from him in just a few short years?

After a few seconds, Connie came into the room. "Madison!" She took the girl's hand. "How many times have I told you not to run away from me when we're in the hospital?" She looked over at Ric apologetically. "I'm sorry, Ric. I think she's just a little bit over-excited today."

"It's understandable," he replied, quietly, before looking over at Diane. "Connie, you remember Diane Lloyd, don't you?"

Diane forced herself to look up from Jack, and at Connie. "Hey."

"Diane, what a surprise!" Connie smiled broadly at her; a smile which faded when she looked down at the child on the bed. "Is that Joanna's baby?"

"He's hardly a baby now, Con," Ric put in.

"She knows what I mean." Connie contented herself with rolling her eyes and a glance at Diane that said, quite eloquently, "Men!" Diane smiled slightly in spite of herself, but sobered as she looked back down at her nephew.

"Yeah, this is Jack." She squeezed Jack's hand gently. "He's five. And if he could hear me, he'd proudly tell you he was actually five and a half," she added, looking up at Connie, who smiled sympathetically.

"Kids, hey?" was all she said, however, smoothing her daughter's curly hair back from her face. "I'll take Maddy out of your way," she added, speaking to Ric this time.

He nodded. "Okay… I'll be round in an hour or so."

Diane looked back down at Jack to hide her face, her expression, at how easy Ric and Connie were with one another. She knew that it was no more than she had had with Ric, even with Owen, at one time, but it still hurt, to see people interacting so easily, when for the past few years, she had felt so isolated. She supposed that if she had gone back to work after they had moved, she would have made more friends, whereas all her 'friends' were people she had met at Jack's playgroups, nurseries, and eventually his school. And most of them worked. Seeing Jack move his head slightly, she bit her lip. She was not the issue right now. Jack was.

As Ric closed the door behind Connie and Madison, Diane looked up at him. He looked uncomfortable, obviously expecting her to rebuke him for not telling her about Madison. Or Connie. But all she said was, "I need to call Owen, let him know."

He nodded. "There's a payphone, in the corridor…"

"I know." She silenced him with a look. "I did work here, you know."

"I remember." His glance told her what exactly he remembered, and she blushed slightly, before letting go of Jack's hand.

"I need to call him…" she repeated, quietly, and crossed the room to the door.

"I'll be in my office," he told her, as he followed her to the door.

She nodded, and forced herself to keep going towards the payphone, and not to turn back towards Jack, inwardly dreading how she was going to have to tell Owen what had happened.

Her hand was on the phone before she stopped, and leant against the wall. Ric, still following her on his way to the stairs, looked at her in some surprised. "What's the matter?"

"What's the matter?" she repeated, incredulously. "My nephew was hit by a car while I was visiting my sister's grave, and is now lying there unconscious, someone I thought of as my best friend has a had a child and not even bothered to let me know – or let me know that he was even in a relationship – and now I have to ring my husband and tell him that I've failed in looking after one child, for one afternoon…"

He cut her off. "Diane, no one is going to blame you for this."

"I blame myself for it, isn't that enough?" She sighed. "If Jack dies… if I lose him…" She bit her lip. "He's my world, Ric. That little boy is my life. If I lose him… I've got nothing else."

"You're not going to lose him. And even so, you've got Owen to help you through," he replied, smiling slightly at her. Owen had made her happy, he knew that. And it had been that that had made him put his own feelings aside for her, all those years ago when Joanna had died, and Simon had gone, leaving Diane literally holding the baby. Because he had known that Owen had wanted to take care of Diane and Jack, and, although he too had wanted to, he had thought that Owen would be more suitable – he was younger. Much younger, much more able to care for a baby. Of course, he hadn't had that choice when Connie had told him that she was pregnant with Madison. But Madison was different – he and Connie, their actions, had created her, they had a responsibility for her.

She just nodded, looking back at the phone. "I should… I should call him…" She knew that she sounded reluctant, and she hated herself for it: she knew that Ric would be drawing all sorts of conclusions from her reluctance… He'd be thinking that she had an unhappy marriage, which wasn't true. Sure, they had their rough patches, but all marriages do. Right? No, the reason she didn't want to call him was different. She didn't want to have to admit that she had failed Jack, that he had been hurt, that she might lose him.

He didn't say anything, however. Instead he tentatively put an arm around her, and smiled slightly. "Do you want me to call him for you?"

It was as though the years had rolled away and she was his registrar again. She moved slightly closer to him and looked up at him. "Please."


	5. Chapter 5

Ric had sent her back to sit with Jack; he hadn't really wanted to talk to Owen in front of her. She was okay with that. All she wanted right now was Jack, anyway.

She took a seat at his bedside, and just watched him: his chest rising and falling slowly (too slowly?); the monitors picking up his outputs (too low? Not quite right? She was worried); but she avoided looking at his face. If she did, then she knew that she would cry. She wouldn't be able to do anything but cry.

She was starting to panic as she forced herself to concentrate on the monitors, and convinced herself that the outputs were too low – of course they were too low, why was Ric not here to check them? If she had been Jack's doctor, she would have been taking him back to theatre now, she was sure of it. He was going to die… she was going to lose him… She choked back an anguished sob as she heard footsteps outside.

The next thing that she knew, she was crying, sobbing, terrified of what might happen, of how she might lose her little boy. Then someone was holding her, hugging her, stroking her hair. "Oh, you poor girl…" It took her a few moments to work out who it was, but she knew before she looked up that it was Connie.

"It's too low," Diane mumbled, pointing.

Connie looked serious for a moment, considering. "Well, if he were healthy then I'd be inclined to agree. But he's been through an awful lot, Diane – he's lucky to be alive," she added, regretting it instantly as Diane instinctively moved a hand over her mouth, looking – and feeling – as though she were about to be sick. "But," she added quickly. "But, he seems to be doing really well, Diane – those stats are higher than I'd expect, that's a really good sign."

"Is it?" she asked, still anxious, not wanting to reject what she believed to be the truth in favour of Connie's comfortably reassuring lie.

"Diane, I don't believe in giving false hope, as well you know." Her voice was stern but her expression was kind.

"I didn't say…"

"No, but I can guess how you're feeling," Connie interrupted. "You look even more worried than when you were sitting with Joanna."

"Jack's like my son." Without meaning to, she had allowed her gaze to fall upon his face, and now she couldn't look away; she was transfixed by him. "He's my world, I've devoted my life to him. I've given up everything for him, I love him… Oh, I haven't got any regrets," she added quickly afraid that Connie would think that she begrudged her beloved nephew anything. "I know I didn't have a choice in taking him, but I'd do it all again in  a heartbeat. I love him so much…"

Connie nodded. "I can tell." She followed Diane's gaze, taking in the scratches on Jack's forehead, the bruises, the drip in his arm, the bandages… she couldn't bear to think how Diane must feel. If it had been Madison – oh, if it had been Maddy, Connie would not have coped, she would have crumbled. She looked at Diane in admiration. "You're very strong, Diane."

"I'm not." Diane looked up, smiling despite her worries. "I'm no stronger than I've had to be." There was a certain tone in her voice that told Connie not to say more. For a moment, she was brought up short. Very few people dared to tell Connie Beauchamp what to do – and if they did, they never did it twice. But Diane, Diane with all her insecurities and worries, had within her a strange confidence, and a very definite sense of her own privacy. Connie thought around for how to change the subject.

"So, did you ever make consultant?" she asked conversationally, after a few moments.

"No…" Diane replied reluctantly. "I, ah… I don't work." She avoided Connie's eyes as she said this, knowing she was about to receive a lecture.

"You don't work?!" Connie repeated incredulously. "Oh, Diane, what a waste. What a bloody waste."

Secretly, Diane was flattered by her indignation, the idea that she had been a loss, but outwardly she just looked down. "I'm happy, Connie. I have Jack, I can spend much more time with him…"

"Isn't he at school?" Connie put in, struggling to understand why any promising surgeon would give up their job. She herself had never even considered it when Madison was born. As soon as Maddy could cope without her, she was back at work. Of course, that had been necessary: Ric hadn't exactly been in a position to give much financial help. "Was it Owen's idea?" she asked, before she could help herself.

"He suggested it, yes." He had suggested it at a Sunday dinner with her parents, a few weeks after the wedding, just before they had moved away.

"I think that you should take a break, sweetie… You've been working so hard recently, and it can't be good for you, what with Jack, and the wedding… You should have a rest for a few months, give it up for a while…"

How angry her father had been! For once, she had sided with him – but not out loud, of course. Not with Mum and Owen being so enthusiastic about the idea of giving up work, saying how tired she looked – well, she was tired! Jack had been just walking, teething still, and was on the go from the time he got up until she wrestled him into bed. Anyone would have been tired.

But Connie was looking at her, so she brought herself back to the present. "Oh, I don't mind it really. It's quite relaxing…"

"Rather too relaxing if you ask me," Connie told her, sharply. "There's a shortage of good surgeons, Diane."

"Don't you dare say that I'm being selfish!" She glared. "Drop it, Connie. It's old news."

"Fine. But I'm not impressed."

"I didn't ask you to be. It's none of your business, anyway." She looked back down at Jack as she heard a slight movement. "Connie…"


	6. Chapter 6

"You will not believe what just happened!" Jess stormed into Lisa's office and sat down on the desk, glaring at nothing in particular.

"Careful what you say," Lisa cautioned. "I'm babysitting for your sister," she added, gesturing to where Madison was sitting cross-legged on the floor, finger painting.

Jess lowered her voice. "Diane told Dad."

"Diane?" Lisa repeated, confused. "Diane Lloyd?"

"She came in with Jack…" Jess sobered for a moment. "He was in an accident, he seems in a pretty bad way, Lise." She paused, thinking of Diane's expression – she'd worked with Diane for years, of course she was used to her looking upset, but earlier, that had been different. Obviously a lot had changed in the past few years, but Diane herself would never change… and losing Jack now would wreck her, just as much as if it had happened when he was a baby.

"Oh God. Is Diane okay?" Lisa's concern showed on her face.

"Physically she's okay, yeah. Otherwise… well, she's distraught of course." Jess looked down at a mark on the floor, kicking it aimlessly with the tip of her foot.

"Don't wreck the floor," Lisa cautioned, pulling a chair out from under the desk and sitting down. "'Cause if you do it, then Maddy'll think that she can too…"

Jess nodded and stopped immediately. "Sorry." She looked down at her feet, deep in thought.

After a few moments, Lisa's impatience got the better of her. "So… what did she tell your dad? And why did she tell him? It's none of her business!" she added, indignantly, although secretly glad of the fact that their relationship had finally been brought to Ric's attention. Two years of Jess promising to "tell him later" had taken their toll on her. Two years of lying, hiding the truth, excuses, made-up boyfriends… she was sick of it. At least there wouldn't have to be any more secrecy. No more secrets, no more lies. It actually felt pretty damn good, she reflected, taking a deep breath.

"To be fair, I don't think she meant to tell him," Jess reflected. "She didn't, in fact. She just congratulated me and you, and he overheard, and he put two and two together, and I'm fairly sure that he understood what she meant."

Lisa nodded. "So… he knows."

"Don't sound so casual about it! He's my dad, I didn't want him to find out like this!" Jess lowered her voice almost immediately when she noticed that Madison was looking up at her.

"Or maybe you just didn't want him to find out…" Lisa's expression was unreadable, her voice even. She looked down at her hands.

Jess looked up. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Two years, Jess. Two years we've been together."

"I know. Two years last Friday. That was what the whole romantic candlelit thing was for, remember?" she teased.

Lisa shot her a look. "I know that. Very nice it was too. I just… Jess, you've had excuses after excuses for why you're not telling your dad, for two years you've been saying the time's not right or you don't feel up to it… why?"

Jess looked back at her feet before registering the hurt tone in Lisa's voice. She looked up. "I'm sorry, Lise. I really am." She shrugged. "There isn't really a reason… I just, I know Dad's always had expectations of us kids, and… I don't know, I didn't want to disappoint him…" She shook her head. "No, not that this is a disappointment, that's not what I meant… I meant, just, I… I didn't want to just blurt it out to him, and the longer I left it, the more I knew he'd be hurt by me not telling him before, and I didn't want to hurt him…"

"Don't you think it must have hurt more to hear it from Diane, whom neither of us have seen in five years?" asked a different voice, and Jess bit her lip as her father came into the office.

"Dad…" Anything else she might have been about to say died on her lips as she saw his expression.

"I wish you'd told me, sweetie." He smiled slightly. "All I ever wanted was for you to be happy… if being together makes you two happy, then I'm really pleased for you. I mean it. It's a bit of a shock, sure, but… congratulations, I guess."

Lisa reached out and took Jess' hand in her own lightly. "Thanks, Mr Griffin."

"Jess…" He couldn't find the words to say what he wanted to say, to say how hurt he was that she had felt unable to tell him, how proud he was that she was happy and in love, how pleased for her he was, how amazingly shocked he was… He just couldn't find the words. After a few moments, he cleared his throat slightly. "Oh, come here…" he mumbled, pulling his surprised daughter into a hug. "I'm happy for you."


	7. Chapter 7

When he was paged to ITU, he went there a little more quickly than normal. He told himself that he wasn't trying to be quicker, better, more efficient, because of Diane. No, of course not. Because why would he do that? He had seen neither hide nor hair of her for years; they were barely even friends any more. Keep telling yourself that, said a little voice inside his head. Maybe one day you'll believe it.

It was only because he had known her so long. Only because he had seen Jack being born, that's why he was so worried, of course it was. Nothing to do with Diane at all.

But when he got to ITU and saw her, holding Jack's hand and looking so anxious, so vulnerable, so beautiful… all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold her, to make that worried look go away. He told himself that it was wrong to feel like that… she was married, after all. To Owen. And she obviously cared nothing for him… how could she care for him if she'd ignored him for four years? Four years without so much as a phone call, letter, even a damn Christmas card! In that instant, the protectiveness he had felt towards her evaporated, to be replaced only by anger.

"He's waking up," Connie informed Ric.

"Why page me? This is Zubin's area," he replied, nevertheless checking Jack's obs.

"I thought I was perfectly capable of handling a child waking up on my own, but Diane disagreed," Connie told him, shooting an almost admiring look at Diane, who simply shrugged.

"I'd just feel more comfortable if Jack was seen to by someone who treated him." Her eyes said more, they told epic tales of her feelings, her desires, her thoughts… but Ric was looking the other way. Diane looked down, down at her neatly folded hands, and spoke tonelessly. "Is he okay?"

There was a mumble in a child's voice, and suddenly Diane was at her nephew's side, oblivious to Ric's warning glance. "Jack… oh…"

Jack's eyes had fluttered open – bright blue eyes, Ric noted, just like his auntie – and he was looking around, obviously terrified. "Tell him it's alright," Ric whispered in Diane's ear, and she nodded.

"It's okay, sweetie…" she said, sounding tearful. "It's alright, you're okay… You were in a little accident, do you remember?"

"The car…" It was obviously an effort for him to speak. "It _hurts_… my tummy hurts…" His eyes were filled with tears, and Diane sat down on the bed next to him.

"Okay, but it won't for much longer… Ric's going to give you something to ease the pain, and then you'll be able to go to sleep, and it won't hurt tomorrow…" She ignored Ric's nudge, probably telling her not to lie to a child. Well, what did he know? He didn't know Jack. That's not his fault, a little voice told her, but she ignored it. If he really cared, he would have kept in touch somehow.

"'Kay…" Jack mumbled, not even bothering to complain as he normally did when told to go to sleep. His eyes had almost closed, and he didn't even open them when Ric adjusted his drip and morphine dosage.

Diane watched him for a few moments, half conscious of Connie pulling Ric to one side and whispering something to him before leaving, half conscious of Ric pulling her back and into a chair, half conscious of hearing the monitors bleep steadily… only really conscious of the child sleeping in front of her. And then she was jerked back to reality as Ric spoke.

"Diane, you're not doing him any good sitting here like this…"

She cut through him. "Did you call Owen?" Was that hurt she saw in his face?

"Yeah… yeah, I did. He said he'd be here as soon as he can." He looked down at the floor. Of course, Owen had the right to be here with her. No one else.

"Okay." She shrugged. "This is such a mess," she murmured after a few moments, more to herself than anything.

"What's that?" he queried, alarmed at the look of utter sadness on her face.

"I just…" She sighed. "I promised I'd take good care of Jack, I promised everyone… and what have I done for him? Got him lying in the same bed as Jo did five years ago…" She covered her face with her hands, not wanting to look at anyone, and was shocked to feel Ric's hand on her back.

"C'mon, you're getting out of here."

"What?" she demanded.

"I'm going to the canteen," he explained. "Are you coming?"

She looked up. "I should stay with Jack…"

"He's asleep, Diane, he won't wake up for hours." He placed one hand on her shoulder. "I know you feel that you should stay with him, but I promise you, you will be here when he wakes up. The moment there's any change I will be paged, and you will come back with me. How's that?"

She nodded slowly. "Alright."

"So… coffee?"

"Um, yeah. Sure. Okay."


End file.
